Category: Safe Haven
Hi everyone
i'm so glad i stumbled across here as i am offended sometimes by stuff i seeon other bords. my question is in relation to my family. i dont talk to them because when i do i get a bad reaction and when i do there's an argument. i do tell them what i'm going to do rather than ask their purmission, but i'm 20, not 5. i really wanna move out and be independant, but they dont think i'm capable. this is because they never see me doing very much, but i get nervous, as maybe some of you dohere, when peple look at me doing things, maing tea, coffee etc. so because thy dont see me doing things, they think i'm incapable and this is what i have thrown at me everytime i try to talk about moving out. i get so down sometimes that i think about things i wont go into here but its no fun. i am a verr changible person also, and this is a common thing that gets brought up also.as well, my family blame things on others, instead of thinking perhaps its me with a problem and this annoys me also. i'm currently attending a councellor at the moment to talk about issues, and they think i'm only doing it for attension which of course is nonsense i mean why would i or anyone else do that!
what can i do, am i wrong to tell them what i'm doing instead of asking permission?
how can i change this situation?
should i jus move out?
any comments at all very much appreciated
many angel blessings to you all
Pisces stop the talking about moving and shift to your own place.
I did it at 20, after a previous 5 months of messing and
thinking about it.
This drama wont go anywhere while your procrastinating
Best of luck to you now
Stevie.
stop the talk and start to walk the walk.
if it was as easy as that i would've done it before now, thanks for replies though.
Pisces, its really hard to advise you fairly without knowing much about you, your strengths, and your weaknesses. I don't expect you to go into all that here, as it really isn't the place for it. Counseling is probably a good idea, provided your counselor is advising you to act on what you want to do, and if necessary, acquire the skills to make living independently a raelity. Again, I'm saying this with no knowledge of your skills in this area. If you have a friend or someone who can assist you, you might go to them and ask them honestly what they think. I honestly believe you need to askyourself if you hvae the ability to cook clean, and make decisions associated with living independently, and if you have the finances to let you do so. I know this isn't much of an answer, but I think these are issues you need to consider.
Good luck, and if you want to e-mail me, feel free todo so.
Lou
Pisces,
I think I can relate. We're both experiencing similar problems, except in my case, I have to wait a bit before I can move out. However, that doesn't mean I'm not considering moving out. I do want to get out on my own, and figure out what I want to do with my life. If you need to talk, I'm here to listen. Feel free to drop me a quick note anytime.
Good luck
This is probably going to sound insensitive, but you may have to choose between having a worthwhile life and having your family in your life.
To some degree, Reclusive is right, although you shouldn't have to cut contact with your family altogether!
I'm 34, and my mother is still convinced that I'm helpless, though I've lived on my own off and on since I was 20, without her help, because I've always lived in a different city or state from my parents. Visiting her is stressful, as she hovers around, worries I'm going to crash into furniture when I walk across a room, and won't let me make a cup of tea on my own. (funny you should use that example!) Because of her personality, it's simply easier to give in for a few days, rather than argue, but that doesn't make for a very pleasant visit.
I sort of envy those folks whose parents tried to teach them independence, instead of doing everything for them. I scarcely knew how to do anything on my own when I first moved out.
So yes, if you can afford to go, perhaps that's the only way you're going to feel your life is your own. Good luck. And, it looks as if you have enough people to write to, but you can get in touch with me as well, if you wish to talk.
It’s tough, it sounds as if you’re in quite a situation. I’ve been there before, and sometimes you’ve just got to grin and bair it, and take a stance!!!
It’s you’re life, not your families, while I do, understand your quary, and this process is easier said than done, sometimes it’s imperative to take the perverbial bull by the horns!!!!!
If they’re your family, and they love you, they’ll eventually accept it, or they’ll cut ties, that’s only a decition that can be made by them, not you.
You’re blind, not helpless, you know this, and perhaps, with time, temperance, and patience your parents/family will come to embrace your independence.
I'd advise you to try and have your parents in on your ideas rather than to make it a you vs them situation. They may have some valid points, they may be able to help and by including them in your plans they would be more willing to help and more impressed when they see what you can do.
Generally I'd say moving out should be a part of a bigger plan, going to college or university, going to job training (may be in another city) through the NFB or some center for the blind, if traditional college is not your thing, basically some short term project that would take you away from your home, give you new work or academic credentials but also help you learn to live on your own. If none of those things are suitable, may be see if your parents would feel ok with you renting a room or apartment for 2 months,just to practice living on your own, they can help you move your necessary stuff and basically just tell them you are 20 and you really want to see what it's like living on your own and that you'll have to do it some day. Ask themif they don't think it's a good idea and say you really want to. Try not to frame your intentions by just telling them what you are going to do, try to make them a part of it (if you love them and they love you that is, if you just want to ditch your parents, well, you do your own thing, but you may regret having done that later on).
My mom still chops my food, washes my clothes etc, even when me and my wife come visit them, she even cleans when she visits our place, just out of habit (she certainly does not need to, we keep our apartment as neat and clean as people with a tiny baby can), parents are just silly like that and they always will be. I kind of enjoy it, provided it's only for a short period of time.
best of luck
-B
While I certainly agree with what wb has to say, it may not even be a matter of getting your parents involved. They may have a firm stance of there own as mine did, and do not wish to budge!!!
Again, if you can have your parents in on the process, that’s wonderful, but if not, you’ve had some sage advice offered in the interim!!!
Only you can make the decision, and I’ve been there, and don’t envy you, however, it is possible to have a happy, and independent lifestyle.
I do understand that this board is not about me, but, there is none to high a price to pay for one’s atonomy!!!!!